Coverage of the Rip Curl Pro Bells Beach has all but dominated the surf media this week. So much so that you may have missed these marginally important, highly entertaining items.
Become a Lord!
By winning the Oneill Cold Water Classic in Scotland last week, Australia’s Brent Dorrington not only took home $20,000 and a giant sword, but he also became Lord Brent Dorrington. “My friends Lord Adam Melling and Lord Royden Bryson both have a Highland sword each, so it’s great I have one too now,” says Dorrington.
Chances you are not going to win this event anytime soon, so here are a two other ways you might join Brent, Adam, and Royden in the Lordly ranks:
1. Pay this guy $197. He cites these as benefits of becoming a Lord: “There is no faster way to climb the social ladder.” True. “A fantastic icebreaker which gains instant respect and credibility.” So true. “Unlocking doors which were previously unknown.” Hmm. Unlocking unknown doors, what does that even mean? Doesn’t matter. So worth it.
2. Buy a 5-foot plot of land in Scotland on eBay, because apparently owning land also makes you a Lord too.
A press release this week announced the upcoming film Confessions of an Eco-Terrorist. The art for the film features Captain Paul Watson of Sea Shepherd (the whale-saving organization backed by Dave Rastovich and other surfers, which was featured on the Animal Planet show “Whale Wars” and parodied on South Park). It was too ridiculous not to share.
Federal Court Judge Says Boobies OK in Schools!
In 2010, two middle school students were banned from wearing their “I Love Boobies” bracelets (which are produced by the Keep A breast Foundation and are designed to heighten awareness of breast cancer and facilitate open conversations about it), a heated battle ensued in Federal Courts. But last week, courts ruled that the ban was unconstitutional and violates students’ First Amendment rights. Keep A Breast Foundation estimates approximately 7 million “I Love Boobies” bracelets have been sold across the country. So kids, go back to flaunting your boobies.
This week in Alana News…
A pocket-size Alana Blanchard graced the top left corner of the Bells webcast replays. They called it a “Bikini Replay.” That girl shows up in the darndest places!
Bobby Tells It Like It Is
Cookie-cutter responses in post-heat interviews littered with phrases like “so stoked” and “I just got lucky” and “[my opponent] was surfing so [superfluous adverb] out there,” are the prevailing norm. They are also quite boring. Bobby Martinez’s lively post-heat interview was an entertaining departure:
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