rob gilley

Free Naked Photo!!!!!!

| posted on October 17, 2011

Rob Gilley

Previously in denial about his photographic past, Rob Gilley now rummages through his trove of mediocrity.

Warning: The photograph at the bottom of this page features adult content. You must be 18 years old or European to view.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the website with which you are currently engaged has improved dramatically over the last year. A new approach to content and design has taken Surfermag.com from an afterthought to one of the first places on the web that discerning surfers visit.

From zero to hero in a few short months, basically.

Although this has been a group effort, much of the credit for this improvement, and for the improvement of the print version as well, can be attributed to SURFER Magazine’s new Editor, Brendon Thomas.

Apparently Brendon possesses the wisdom, diligence, and thick skin required to properly man the helm and guide SURFER into a new century.

He’s also a clever little bugger.

For example, he put the fear of god in yours truly by firing me, and then, like a guardian angel scooping up the downtrodden, re-hired me a few months later. He let me twist in the wind where I could feel the slings and arrows of the monthly bill cycle before bringing me back into the fold.

Now, happily, I am Brendon Thomas’ little minion. His beholden whipping boy. An Igor to his Dr. Frankenstein.

Another example of Brendon’s cleverness can be seen in a recent group e-mail he sent to those of us who contribute to this website. In this correspondence, he congratulated us on our efforts and gave us concrete proof of our success—a numerical breakdown of how many “page views” each part of the revamped website was getting, including this blog.

And then he ended this email with the following sentence,

“The challenge now is to see whose blog can get the most traffic next month…”

I had to smile when I read this. I knew what this was. This was the oldest trick in the book. A thinly veiled way of stirring our competitive juices in an attempt to get us to work extra hard on our blogs.

Well I, for one, am not falling for it, Brendon. Personally, I find it important to carry on the SURFER tradition of avoiding hard work. I’ve got better things to do, like nap.

More conveniently, I don’t need to expend any extra effort. Why jam the flippers all day when you can just tilt the table?

After all, it’s a surf magazine tradition:

“THE BIGGEST EVER!”

“HURRICANE FRENZY!”

“DAY OF THE DECADE!”

As any good corporate research department worth its salt will tell you, there’s no better way to draw attention, to boost numbers, to get people to look at your product than with a good blurb. Than with a juicy teaser. Than with a sensationalized title. Than with a shitload of exclamation points (December 1984’s SURFER cover featured six).

Yes, the rich tradition of surf sensationalism will be my savior. My ticket to buku page views. My formula for pleasing Dr. Frankenstein.

And as unfair as it may seem, market research also tells us that a good surf photo will trump a well-written article every time. Even an exhumed and reanimated Hemingway would lose a page-view battle to Shipsterns Bluff.

So who needs substance when you can titillate? Why attempt to intellectually engage an audience when all you have to do is run another Teahupoovian apocolypse?

And page-view wise, there’s something that’s even more powerful than photos of giant, death-defying slabs, and that’s photos of giant, death-defying boobs. If you consider the durable popularity of the ESM girl and the Transworld Model Search, the token flesh of the SURFER Magazine contents page, and the shockingly high bikini “hit count” on the Surfline.com reader photo feature, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

And finally, there’s nothing more alluring to an American audience than getting something for nothing. Or at least the appearance of getting something for nothing. Regardless of the existence of an actual complementary item, a “poly-bagged” surf magazine with a giant FREE emblazoned on its shiny, non-biodegradable exterior will self-bag it’s own sucker every time.

So there you have it. All the elements are in place. Simply by titling this blog a certain way, and making sure to include the right amount of exclamation points, I am assured of a massive amount of page views. It’s a done deal. My job is secure.

But it’s not right for me to blatantly lie. The title of this blog promised a free naked photo, and a free naked photo you shall get. But instead of a tight, gratuitous, silicone-laden model, I leave you with a more accurate, representative reality. Nudity that is actually witnessed by surfers on a regular basis.

A naked truth.

Sometimes you get what you pay for. Photo: Gilley

  • G

    Nude volleyball, now that’s dedicated…. to nudity. Wouldn’t that be unnecessarily dangerous. On further consideration it’s most likely the future of sports entertainment.

  • http://EddieSurfs.com EddieSurfs

    Anyone know how to zoom in using Microsoft Office Picture Manager?

  • GauchoMD

    Reminds me of the first time I surfed blacks 25 years ago. Down the beach, a guy in a black turtle neck was walking north as we walked south. Upon unfortunate further inspection, when he passed, all he had on was a turtle neck. Great look. Gotta keep the tenders tan even in winter I guess.

  • go 4 a nekkid surf!!!

    Nicely played Rob!

    Of course the headline is too resistible for most mere mortal males to pass up, but(t) frankly I didn’t feel deceived or deprived in seeing the photo you actually used to prove your point. With the exception of playing in course sand, nude volleyball is a pretty fun activity. Remember years ago when you guys featured Ger, TC and some others in nude surf sessions in France? How’d that issue sell? Why don’t you convince Brenden to produce a GIANT NUDE SURF ISSUE? I bet that would do a lot for readership/sales and possibly secure both of your jobs for years to come. Even better, I’m thinkin’ the recent crop of hot female surfers would look outstanding in the buff! I’d help you come up with a list of girls you could feature. I also seem to recall Playboy Australia ran a feature of former world champ Wendy Botha(?) and what about waaay back to the late 60′s/early 70′s and Laura Blears! Man it’s all coming back to me now. Yeah- surf nekkid!!! (yep, multiple exclamation points do work) Apologies to you CA guys, I bet if you had to surf naked the shrinkage factor would keep a lot of you out of the line up… humm… hey there’s a great idea to thin the crowd out… Maybe you should pass a law!

  • http://www.facebook.com/philgibbsphotography Phil Gibbs

    you should throw a view counter on this and the other blogs for fun.

  • http://www.sourceinterlink.com JB

    You should have broken the story into two pages!

  • http://www.easternsurf.com Mez

    Why , Rob?!
    WHY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ps- any close-up’s with 650 mm ?

  • http://Fanboy.com FAN

    Trail 6?? I love that place

  • Lekun

    Rob, your blog is the first on the list. Wise words that i should apply in my own job from time to time: the SURFER tradition of avoiding hard work. I’ve got better things to do, like nap. Thanks for your wise words and photos, the last of wich i prefer of watery activity

  • wilf lewis

    great blog, got me from the off!

  • sajal paul

    very funnu

  • http://www.friendsofblacksbeach.com Geoff Bujkovsky

    Thanks for using this photo, I am the one behind the hitter, wearing the glasses. These are my friends. I have set up 4 volleyball courts down at Blacks Beach and one of the courts is up all week. The permanent court was donated from the people that maintain the courts at south mission beach. On an average day we get around 25 players. All levels of play from beginner to AVP doubles. I also maintain the trail down to Blacks Beach via theT orrey Pines Gliderport. The State of California and City of San Diego does not maintain or built the trail.
    My friends and I have set up an Informational website
    http://www.friendsofblacksbeach.com,
    Thanks Geoff Bujkovsky