Bowhunting. Pearl Jam. Huey Lewis. David Hasselhoff. Bono. Don Cheadle. This is the first time in the history of the English language that those names were all strung together like that. Their common thread is Robert Kelly Slater. In this surprisingly charming video interview for USA Today‘s “For the Win,” Kelly Slater brushes aside the interviewer’s assertion that he is indeed the most interesting man in sports. Slater’s iron-clad, unassailable reasoning: He can’t grow a beard. Unfortunately, that’s an absolutely correct statement. This is a tragic revelation, as we’ve long assumed that following retirement, Slater would enter his moody bearded traveler phase, which would be so great for surfing. In the meantime, the interview raises more questions than it answers, which is fitting of an interesting interview subject.
Questions this interview raises, rather than answers:
1. What could Hasselhoff possibly have said to Slater in those 29 minutes?
2. What are the circumstances that led to the Slater/Cheadle friendship?
3. Why can’t Slater grow a beard?
4. On the 2012 Quik Pro France podium, why is Dane Reynolds spraying Slater with a giant Carlsberg, which is from Denmark, and not a French beer, like Kronenbourg?
5. Wait, the 2012 Quik Pro France was Slater, Dane, and John John 1-2-3? What do we have to do to make that happen again?
WATCH: Kelly Slater ripping behind a boat